Being rejected is like someone tearing you apart. Someone pulling the rug off your feet. It can be damaging, disappointing and demoralising.
If one knows how to DEAL with it, one can get the best out of rejection.
Good News is that it can also be an opportunity to claim more respect and acclaim for your deed if you stick to the formula.
Before I pull the lid off the formula, it is important to understand that rejection is not a denial, it is more of a delay. A lot of people feel they are being denied what should have been theirs! They blame their fate or destiny for the sequence of events.
– Rejection Was A Blessing In Disguise For Me
I have been through it, felt unlucky many times on not getting the desired result. But now when I look back from the lens of present with deep focus into my past, everything makes perfect sense.
I worked damn hard on my dream to get through India’s best Architectural College before passing out of school, but it didn’t happen? Despite being a bright student, who worked very hard, I didn’t get the desired result. I was deeply hurt and angry with God, swimming in the sea of tears.
If someone were to ask me today if I repent on not being an architect, my answer is NO. I am happy being a communicator. It has brought huge name, fame and satisfaction to me through my work as a news anchor. I was meant to do this and I am happy I didn’t become an architect. It makes total sense now that why I got rejected earlier, because there was something better waiting to happen for me.
– Rejection Is A Push To Move You
One may feel rejected of having lost a chance at something, at that moment but finally there is always something more suitable waiting to happen.
We expect things, events and people in our life from our limited understanding, wants and perspective but there is much more than meets the eye. There is a higher wisdom which works the mechanics of who gets what and this higher wisdom is equally loving to all.
There will be many things and events that would have hurt or be uncomfortable to you at that time, but now if you look back, I m sure you may have a different opinion now. Just think of it.
“Everything you have experienced in the past was necessary for you to become the person you are today”, says Robin Sharma, Leadership Expert.
– Rejection Is Not A Denial But A Delay
Rejection can be a blessing if taken positively. It can fuel the dormant will power to swing into action. People who crack the prestigious IAS, the IIT entrance tests or other tough exams in their second or subsequent attempts are a living example of how rejection was not a denial but a delay.
J K Rowling, the first author to make $1 billion by writing books on the planet had to suffer a series of rejection from allegedly 13 publishers before she finally got the green signal from Bloomsbury to publish it in 1997. She was suggested to use a pen name K as the publisher thought a female author for a boys’ book may be less appealing. Her editor also suggested her to get a teaching job as children’s books were unlikely to make a living for her. Her life turned around when after three weeks of being published in the UK, the Scholastic bid $ 1 million for the American rights, which shook the literary world. The rest is history.
Let’s come back to the formula of dealing with rejection. It is the need of the hour.
- Don’t let it go inside: The key to get the best out of rejection is not to let that go in. Do not let that harm your self- esteem. Just block it then and there. Shut out the door to your heart. I did that few times in my professional life.
- You have a Choice: A person, authority or institution is entitled to have their opinion of you which may be negative at times, but you don’t have to buy their theory. This however does not mean that one shall not introspect and course correct when wrong but do not agree with their opinion of you. You can always turn things around. Only you know what you are capable of.
- Don’t criticise your critic back: It’s not about offering your second cheek if someone slaps on your one cheek. But it is about saving yourself from falling in the trap of negativity. Criticism will most likely spur you into giving it back in the same coin i.e criticise or blame your critic. But the trick to wade through rejection is to prevent yourself from being negative. This does not advocate passive acceptance of your criticism but reply with a firm “I DO NOT AGREE WITH YOU”.
- Don’t compromise on Your Self-Image: Criticism often shakes people’s confidence and dents their self- image but you can shield it with grit and determination. Only you know your real worth and don’t let it get diluted by someone’s opinion as there is always room to turn things around.
- Don’t please others at your own cost: You can’t make everyone happy. Accept it. It’s not possible. Somewhere someone will always have a different opinion. It is not your responsibility to keep everyone happy. Your job is to keep yourself happy and radiate that happiness that so that it rubs on to others. A lot of us in a zest to keep people happy compromise on who we are, what we stand for, which is a recipe for bad mental and emotional health.
- Critics Are Most Critical About Themselves: Don’t always take your criticism at face value and find fault with yourself. Sometimes the critic is heavily biased against you and would look for opportunities to run you down. Such people are most critical and unhappy with themselves and they vent out their frustration in the form of criticism on others. Having a sort of sympathy with the critic for being very unhappy with him/herself is another way of handling the criticism. It elevates you to a moral high ground which can also make you pity your critic.
- Stand Up For Yourself: If you don’t speak for yourself, no one will. You have to make your point for you can be your best advocate. If you have messed up something, you can fix it too. Show that you have it in you to rise above criticism. Proving your critics wrong with perseverance and determination gives loads of satisfaction and much desired self-boost.
No one has the right to stamp anyone a failure or a disaster. Outrightly rejecting someone, leaves little scope for mending ties. One may be short of something but everyone has an inherent ability to learn and bounce back.
If one has not received something one desired, it is not that the God or destiny or the Universe underrates you but it’s your own perception and beliefs hidden subconsciously that spoil your game.
– Written By,
Richha Jain Kalra
Purpose Coach & Founder, Mind Latte Comms
Former News Anchor @ NDTV